Friday, October 15, 2010

Thursday, February 4, 2010

break away.

[i took this picture a while ago]

have you ever felt like you are trapped and there is no hope for you and you feel like you are stuck inside of yourself?

it doesnt have to be the feeling that you are drowned within your sin and there is no way out.

it can be the monotonous day to day life that you are living.

and there will be a point that you really want to get out of yourself, you really want to get a breath of fresh air. but somehow you cant break down the wall you are stuck behind.

the answer is God.

crying out for help is the only thing you can do when you are stuck behind that steel wall.

even though no one else can hear your cries to get out, God can. He can save you through his Son Jesus Christ and anoint you with the Holy Spirit.

but the first step is recognizing that God is the ONLY One who can save you.

and secondly openly cry out to God to help you. get on your knees and cry for Him to save you from whatever is hindering you.

this song was written by a band called Tokio Hotel and i know for a fact that they are not Christians. but they have taken the first step into figuring out what freedom is Christ Jesus is.

just read the lyrics and see if you can relate to them.

and the third and final step to getting out from behind the wall is fall on your knees and give thanks to the One who has saved you! cry out to Him and give thanks to Him for saving you!

World Behind My Wall--Tokio Hotel

It's raining today
The blinds are shut
It's always the same
I tried all the games that
They play
But they
Made me insane
Life on TV
It's random
It means nothing to me
I'm writing down
What I cannot see
Wanna wake up in a dream

They are telling me
It's beautiful
I believe them
But will I ever know
The world behind my wall
The sun will shine
Like never before
One day I will be
Ready to go
See the world behind my wall

Trains in the sky
Are travelling
Through fragments of time
They're taking me to parts
Of my mind
That no one can find

I'm ready to fall
I'm ready to crawl
On my knees to know it all
I'm ready to heal
I'm ready to feel

Take me there!

Saturday, August 1, 2009

time to get real

[some apostle figurine i took at a garage sale.]

it is time to set aside any bitterness, hate, selfishness, greed, and quarrels in the church and it is time to focus on the reason we go to church the reason that we are saved the reason we will live eternally in Heaven and that is the Almighty Everlasting God who was, and is, and is to come!

if we dare think that people who go to church are perfect and nothing bad ever happens in the church, then we should be ashamed of ourselves because those who actually think that the church is perfect is blinded to see that we have made the church all about us. its all about what sunday school class we are in, its about caring what other people think if we really worship the Holy God, its about pretending we are okay when on the inside we are broken and needed Christ to fill the void but too stubborn to open up.

enough is enough.

its time for the people of the church who have been saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ to start talking the talk and walking the walk. its time to get real.

as you read over the lyrics meditate on them...i am not going to tell you what i think you should get out of it, i just pray that God will speak to you through these lyrics.

One Faith by Robbie Seay Band

He is the good shepherd,
Laid down his life for his sheep;
So out of many nations
He's gathered one fold in one faith;
And he has built his church
On the rock foundation of faith,
On apostles and prophets
Who shepherd his people in his place.

There is one faith,
One hope,
And one baptism,
One God and Father of all;
There is one church,
One body,
One life in the spirit
Now given so freely to all.

He came to Simon Peter
And to all of the Twelve,
The keys of the kingdom
So darkness would never prevail.
But some of the shepherds,
Have pastured themselves on their sheep
So He has come out against them;
And scattered His people of faith.

But there still is
one faith,
One hope,
And one baptism,
One God and Father of all;
There is one church,
One body,
One life in the spirit
Now given so freely to all.

In good pastures
He will shepherd his people,
On the mountain tops
He is reshaped;
He will lead the
Forever afflicted
To the prisoners
He brings relief

There is one faith,
One hope,
And one baptism,
One God and Father of all;
There is one church,
One body,
One life in the spirit
Now given so freely to all.

But He'll not forsake His people,
He'll claim His sheep for His own.
He'll send out His word to the nations,
Regather His people back home
For He is the good shepherd,
Laid down His life for His sheep;
So out of many nations
He's gathered one fold in one faith,
There is one faith,
One hope,
And one baptism,
One God and Father of all;
There is one church,
One body,
One life in the spirit
Now given so freely,
Given so freely,
To all.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

in need of prayer.

this photo was taken over a year ago when i first met my little siblings...(this is of me and my two little brothers from my birth parents.)

nick (the one on the left) was 11 and josh (one on the right) was 12.

my two little brothers and their step dad were killed in a car wreck this past saturday.

my birth family and i are hurt and in pain from this loss.

all i ask of you is to pray.

please please pray.

if you wanna know more of the details feel free to shoot me an e-mail at

thank you...


Sunday, February 8, 2009


here are some songs about homelessness and poverty...i want you to take a good look at the singers/bands that are bringing out the truth about our society and how we view the impoverished.

toby keith-santa im right here

tokio hotel-forgotten children

phil collins-another day in paradise

beastie boys-johnny ryall

candlebox-he calls home

spearhead-hole in the bucket

paul simon-homeless

janis ian-the mission

arrested development-mr wendal

elton john-on the dark street

bob marley-no women no cry

dave matthew band-seek up

tracy chapman-talking about a revolution

stevie wonder-village ghetto land

warren barfield-my heart goes out

ludacris-runaway love

(most of the songs came from

i would like you to look up some of the songs and listen to them.

but thats not the point of this blog post.

with a few exceptions...almost all of the songs are sung by non christian bands...even some are not christians.

how sad is that?

people who do not profess that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior are getting the point across about poverty.

take bono for example he is getting out there and taking a stand about AIDS in africa.

and what are the christians doing?


except for the missionaries.

but we are ALL called to be missionaries!

why are we as christians sitting on our butts and feeling bad for the poor and wanting to do something but never get up and do anything?

we are LAZY!

what if we actually stood up for the homeless?

what if we actually humanized the homeless instead of treating them like a stray dog with rabies?

what if we actually took TIME to talk with them and not just throw money at them?

what if we got their name and prayed for them by their names?

what if we loved them?

maybe just maybe we could show them that there is hope from the one who made them Jesus Christ.

what will you do?

will you take a stand for the impoverished?

or will you sit back on your recliner and watch the impoverished become less and less on the humanity ladder?

matthew 25:31-40 (NIV)

The Sheep and the Goats

31"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

think about it.

then do something.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

is there a light at the end of this tunnel?

[taken this past week.]

january 4, 2009
7:37 pm

dear diary,

today it hit me like a ton of bricks.


all my life i have been fat. i look in the mirror and see a person i dont even know anymore. i used to be in denial about my weight saying

"inner beauty is what counts the most!"

then comparing myself to other around me saying

"at least i am not as fat as that person."

i have been teased by other about my weight all my life. but this time the tormenting is not from others...its from myself. i am tired of who i have become on the outside. so i do other things to cover it up like coloring and cutting my hair in a cool way, getting my nose pierced, ect...i use my voice to cover up how i feel on the inside. i get so busy that i dont notice how hideous i look on the outside. i use my kindness to kill any false first impressions that one may have of me just by my looks. i hide away when i know that reality is breaking through my false mirror i put up. i keep drowning out reality with art, music, just anything other than the truth. motivation is what i lack. i have never really exercised. my fear of what people think of me is too overwhelming that i become someone that i am not. just to ignore the pain i face everyday by looking in the mirror. i put tons of makeup on to distract from my body. i am so uncomfortable in my skin that as a child i would pray at the alter for God to make me skinny. i have not yet been skinny. i just keep getting bigger and bigger. i want to change. 20 years of this body. i want to change it. the media is not helping either. all i see on tv are skinny girls who get all the guys. i see guys all around me go for the girls who can fit in a size 3. i am tired of being that girl who guys just walk past...or just have a nice conversation with. i am tired of going to stores and finding cute clothes that i like and not having them in my size. i see size 0-5 much more damage can people who design clothes and those on tv do to me...a lot...

i am sick of being fat.

i want to be skinny.

i want to be healthy.

i want to be normal.

i want to change this year.

i want to change NOW!

all i ask is for help.

please send me some encouragement or maybe just pray for me to keep a good attitude and some motivation to lose weight.

i want to change.

i need to change.

will you help me?

please send e-mails to

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


[i took this last Christmas]

tomorrow is thanksgiving.

a time to reflect and give thanks for those you love and for what God has blessed you with.

so many of us are blessed to have a loving family, a roof over our heads, and our lives. but we take for granted all the things that God has given to us. we dont even take time to actually thank Christ for all He did for us. He saved us from the torment of hell by dying on the cross and resurrecting three days later. He did the impossible . and we dont even take the time of day to thank Him for that.

here is the sad truth.

those who have nothing, literally little or nothing, are more thankful to be alive than those who have everything they ever wanted.

think about it: homeless people, orphans, third world countries, refugees, nursing home patient have something we will NEVER be able to get in a short time, and that is thankfulness.

its time to stop wanting more and more things and its time to start thanking Christ our Lord and Savior for what He has blessed us with.

think about it.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008


[taken june 9 2008 on vacation.]

are we blinded by the world and our own selfish desires? and block out who God is and what God has and is going to do?

I am in summer school and taking Christian Doctrine and something just hit me when i was reading "know the truth" by bruce milne.

God is in control.

yes. i know its simple and slightly "cliche" but God totally opened my mind about the presidential race right now.

God already knows who is going to be president. voting is important dont get me wrong. but i hear people say all the time that if a certain candidate become president they are leaving the country.

well if God already knows who is going to be in office next what gives us the right to complain?

we may not like who will be in office but GOD IS IN CONTROL.

God has a plan.

God appointed whomever is going to be office to do what HE wants.

NOTHING is a surprise to HIM NOTHING!

not even 9/11 caught HIM off guard. or lets go back further, the titanic.

God's hand is in all of this.


get on your knees and pray about who God wants you to vote for.

DONT go with your feelings.

GO to GOD about it.


if you say you love God and you say that you are a Christian then get in the Word and find out what it is that God is trying to tell you. if those who actually do go out of the country to get away from the next president, that is telling God that HE messed up and that HE made a mistake.


and again GOD IS IN CONTROL!

Monday, June 2, 2008

your not alone...

[this was taken a while back at my house.]

have you ever felt like you couldnt move on in life?

have you ever felt like no one could ever understand what you were going through?

have you ever tried to find answers on your own?

have you ever gone through a time when you thought there is no way out?

have you ever felt as though God turned away on you?

well i have...

i am coming to you taking off the mask i hide behind and tell you that i am not perfect and that i have had plenty of moments where i didnt even think God cared about me...

but thats not true....

i found that out the hard way that after all was said and done then i realized God was right with me...

he NEVER left me...

nor will he ever leave you...

here is one of my favorite songs by point of grace...

you will never walk alone by point of grace

Along life's road
There will be sunshine and rain
Roses and thorns, laughter and pain
And 'cross the miles
You will face mountains so steep
Deserts so long and valleys so deep
Sometimes the Journey's gentle
Sometimes the cold winds blow
But I want you to remember
I want you to know

You will never walk alone
As long as you have faith
Jesus will be right beside you all the way
And you may feel you're far from home
But home is where He is
And He'll be there down every road
You will never walk alone

never, no never

The path will wind
And you will find wonders and fears
Labors of love and a few falling tears
Across the years
There will be some twists and turns
Mistakes to make and lessons to learn
Sometimes the journey's gentle
Sometimes the cold winds blow
But I want you to remember wherever you may go

(Repeat Chorus)

Jesus knows your joy, Jesus knows your need
He will go the distance with you faithfully

(Repeat Chorus)

Sunday, April 27, 2008

cant go back.

[taken around christmas of the shut-ins my dad and i visit every year.]

lately i have been struggling with growing up. i do not want to grow up, it is very scary to me.

i also dont like change. which probably has to do a lot with not wanting to grow up because everything and everyone will change.

but i was surfing on itunes a few days ago and came across a band called "the weepies" i heard a demo and they sounded great. so i bought their cd.

yesterday i was listening to the first song on the cd and its called "cant go back now".

although the tune was catchy, my mind caught onto the lyrics.

i dont know if it was Gods timing for me to hear that song or if it was just pure luck.

i am going for God on this one.

the title says it all "cant go back now", its true...i cant go back to being a young teen i cant go back to being a child...i have to "walk on".

although life may get hard...we cant stop...we have to keep moving on...and i will be right there with you in troubled times.

"cant go back now"...the weepies

Yesterday, when you were young,
Everything you needed done was done for you.
Now you do it on your own
But you find you're all alone,
What can you do?

You and me walk on
Cause you can't go back now.

You know there will be days when you're so tired that you can't take another step,
The night will have no stars and you'll think you've gone as far as you will ever get

But you and me walk on
Cause you can't go back now
And yeah, yeah, go where you want to go
Be what you want to be,
If you ever turn around, you'll see me.

I can't really say why everybody wishes they were somewhere else
But in the end, the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself

And you and me walk on
Yeah you and me walk on
Cause you can't go back now
Walk on, walk on, walk on
You can't go back now